I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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