he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
