We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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