I'm really into asian looking animals
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
