I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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