Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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