my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
