Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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