please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
