I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
