hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
