I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
