I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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