Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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