There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
