Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
