need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
