My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
