Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Congratulations! We have a period
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