Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
