When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
