the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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