If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
even my farts smell like vagina
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
