I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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