I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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