Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
