We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
