he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
