I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
