I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
