you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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