i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
