I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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