dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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