Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
