Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
