My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
