so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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