How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
