There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
