question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
