i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
