i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
