Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
