my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
