I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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