I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
