she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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