DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....