I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.