I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.