You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow