They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
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im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.