I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
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If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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