I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
