Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
