Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just had sex on a roof
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
