apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
