Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Randomize
