He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
