i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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