I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
