I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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