So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize