I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Vodka?
Forever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
