i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
