My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
