Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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