i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
