"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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