Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
