Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
