ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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