I puked a lego.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
