I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
