Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
